Paperclips & Honey

Sometimes I get bored and I actually write a semi ordinary response to a perfectly normal ad I come across. I’m seriously trying to get a reply when I do this because it’s seometimes more fun to actually communicate with the voice behind the ad than it is to write a long winded email knowing you’ll never hear back unless it’s spam. Plus, it’s a good way to plug the blog and earn new followers. Occasionally I get lucky and come across a like-minded character who can keep right up with me. I’d like you to meet my new friend Ms. Mackenzie. You’ll be hearing more from her in the future.

Here’s the chain of emails we wrote to each other the day that I answered her innocent ad.

Honey Ad

Me:

You know what I do when I get bored at work? I play a game called pork sword in the supply closet with 1/2″ thick twine and a pink highlighter. There are no cameras in there. Judging by the noticeable stains in the carpet near the extra file folders, I’m guessing I’m not the only one who enjoys the privacy this room seems to offer. I haven’t figured out who it is yet, but my money’s on Josh in the corner with the picture of his golden retriever frolicking in blue bonnets hanging on his cubicle wall. There’s just something off about this kid.

Now that I think about it… You can’t play that game. We’ll have to think of something more creative for you. Let me see what I can come up with and I’ll get back to you.

 

Ms. Mackenzie:

It’s gotta be that kid…..I think I saw him last week actually sneak off into the woods with that dog and a questionable looking raccoon….my money is on Josh for sure!!  Weirdo!

Now that we both agree on that….please explain to me what you (as a male) would possibly be doing with twine and a highlighter….I am really racking my brain with every possible scenario and I’m at a loss.  If you do actually think of one for me, let me know….I’m quite partial to paper clips and honey!

 

Me:

Honey might be hard to come by unless you stock up on those extra little packs they give you at Popeyes to go with your biscuit. Good thinking with the paper clips… You might be on to something. I feel a YouTube video coming about.

You know I was wondering why Josh was walking with a limp yesterday, so you bringing up that scenario with a raccoon makes total sense now. Those little bastards are feisty! Sometimes it’s best to sedate them. Or at least tie em up a little better.

The highlighter is an excellent tool for all kinds of freaky shit. I may or may not by writing an article containing best safety practices when involving them.

Cure your boredom by reading my blog and the get back to me about when you wanna hook up to make that video.

https://buttershootblogger.wordpress.com/

 

Ms. Mackenzie:

No, we actually stockpile lots of those tiny packets of all kinds of condiments in our break room.  I’ve got honey, salsa, strawberry jam, mayo from the homophobic Chick-fil-A, soy sauce……you name it, we got it!  Honey was just the first one that came to my mind and honestly, the best tasting of the bunch!

I must commend you on your advertising skills.  I will say after reading a few of your entries, it seems that you and CL have a very co-dependent relationship….all this coming from someone who also puts it down so vehemently.  You never know, that poor fat chick on Riverside may truly find her Prince Charming!  After reading her heartfelt plea for a WELL-ENDOWED gentleman who likes to cuddle and such….I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s not already pregnant with their first offspring living in a condo on W.6th….miracles do happen you know!

Just sayin, if people like Josh can find sweet release in a broom closet with you waiting impatiently by the door wth your pink highlighter……then hot, rich guys can also be looking for the ONE on CL!

 

Me:

You do have a valid point there, ms Mackenzie. Stranger things have happened. That well endowed tall cuddler dude may be looking for a 200 lb woman for a straight physical relation ship. Really, who the hell doesn’t like a BBW. Especially when you throw some honey in the mix!

I do love me some cl! One of these days I may find someone who wants to explore the supply closet with me.

 

Ms. Mackenzie:

Don’t give up….I’m sure there are tons of deviants on here that would jump at the opportunity!

And if not, there’s always Josh….you  know you’ve been enviously eyeing that bluebonnet pic!! Everyone wants one of those cliche pics on their desk….all I ask is that you don’t hurt the dog!

 

Me:

Yep… It’s def Josh. He just came around the corner from the area where the supply closet is and he had a certain smirk in his face and he looked completely relaxed. I’m gonna grab my ball of twine and head back there to investigate. I went to Popeyes for lunch specifically for the honey sauce so wish me luck.

Any chance you could send me a pic of your painted toenails to set the mood just right?

 

Ms. Mackenzie:

Hey now!  I’m the one with the honey/paperclip thing…I suggest you stick to your own ideas when it comes to playtime in the closet Mr.! (Besides I don’t really think it’s called “honey sauce” I think just “honey” is sufficient)  And although I don’t happen to have painted toenails this particular day, I could describe my elbow to you in such great detail that I think it would do the trick….or I do happen to have a pic of me in a mud mask that I think might help…most guys love that one!  Trust me, you won’t be in that closet long!

 

Me:

Ooohhh!! A mud mask?!? You sure know how to get a man’s blood pumping! Hell. Yes.

 

Honey and Paper Clips