Monday Review 1.21

Happy Monday once again, my friends. I trust you had a fantastic weekend? It was a warm, sunny weekend here in Central Texas and it felt amazing!

Good news! Our little blog is starting to gain some attraction and it feels like we’re starting to grow up. The numbers suck compared to a lot of other blogs out there, but you gotta celebrate the small victories, right? According to WordPress, we now have hits in 14 countries, which is awesome!

Country Views 1.21

Are you curious about the search words that brought people to the blog? Again… I’m not sure if I’m proud of this or ashamed. I’ll let you be the judge.

Search Terms 1.21

I’m going with “pussy pops out in public o no” as my favorite in this list. Either that or “liberal pussy”. Awesome.

Here’s what happened this week (because all 34 of you really care);

  • Needing Reggie – Honestly, this is not an unusual ad on CL. There are always a ton of these guys either buying or selling with no regards for discretion. They still crack me up!
  • Late Night Storytelling – Another crazy chick looking for the perfect man on CL. This one is worse because she’s seriously looking for something that doesn’t even exist.
  • Snuggle Time – This is the worse attempt to get laid I’ve ever seen. This guy thinks he’s slick trying to go after college girls, but he’s not fooling anyone.

As if I even have to mention it… Please visit the FB fan page. I feel like I’ve been neglecting it lately, but I still update it every time I post a new blog. Go ahead and like it. “Kelly” would love you forever and apparently you like her. At least that’s what some of you are telling me.

You guys wanna hear more about Kelly?

I was going to write up my usual 5 quick pervert ads like I normally would on a Monday post, but I just wasn’t feeling it. They’re all starting to look the same to me and you guys know how I am… I like change. I like to switch things up a little bit. Here’s what I did…

I finally used Kelly to post a CL ad so I could see what kind of juicy emails I would get from these freaks of nature out there.  I kept the email tame and tried to make it look as real as possible. Some of my blog followers have told me it doesn’t take much to draw them out. “Anything will do”, they tell me. Below is the actual ad she posted.

Kelly's Ad

Within 45 minutes, Kelly received 27 emails. And you know what? They seem to all be pretty decent guys. Some of them were pretty good looking dudes, too. They were all polite and respectful and attached face pictures just as Kelly requested.
…..Aaaaaannnnnndddd then there’s this guy…

Joe Schmo email #13:
how’s it going
like average cocks lol

Average Cock

No thank you, sir. You keep that little buddy to yourself. BTW… Love how you include the “SHOUT” spray bottle in the pic. Nice touch.

 

**Please tell me that’s what an average sized cock looks like, ladies. If it is… I’m feeling pretty damn good about myself right now!

***You guys have a great night and a wonderful rest of the week. Check in tomorrow for a really interesting response I got from an ad I posted in the personals section of the Dallas CL. It’s quite humorous.

IMG_7586

Monday Review 1.14

Good evening to you, my friends and loyal followers (however many you are). I’m multi-tasking at the moment. While I’m writing another long awaited Monday review, I’m also experimenting in the kitchen. Sometimes you have no choice but to pull whatever you can find in the pantry and attempt to make a meal. Tonight’s dinner? Freshly pealed, oven fried potato slices caked in butter and then mixed with a glorious helping of scrambled eggs and topped with melted colby jack shredded cheese. Now that’s a dinner that shoots straight for your arteries! You know it sounds delicious!

It was a great week for me spending time with friends and family. I also got a chance to catch the new Quentin Tarantino movie; Django Unchained, and It. Was. AWESOME! If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it.

Here’s what happened on your favorite blog this week:

  • Three Sad Cats – This guy is crazy for offering so little for the concert event of the century this past weekend. I wonder if he pulled off the impossible and got the house to himself Saturday night.
  • Spit in My Face – Where do these guys come up with this stuff?? As far as I can tell, he’s totally serious about his fetish.
  • Was that it? Really? Maybe I throw you a bonus at some point in the near future.

Don’t forget to check out the FB fan page because it’s pretty lonely and needs some friends.

Let’s talk about some interesting occurrences that happened with the blog. Remember last week we talked about how WordPress is really good at telling me how you guys are finding my blog? Well this week is no different. Here’s the latest activity:

Weekly Search Terms

My favorite is “choose rape porn”. Really? Someone actually searched for that?

The phrase “she is spitting at you fetish” actually came from Norway, of all places. I don’t know why that surprised me since, obviously, there are freaks all over the world, so why would Norway be any different? I thought I’d spend some time there and see what kind of ads these guys are posting up in those parts. You know what? It was actually pretty tame.

Are you interested? Of course you are!


Sex Partner

Oh yea? You’re really looking for a “lady” to have as a sex partner on Craigslist. I love how nonchalant you are about the whole thing and that’s a nice touch for you to mention “keeping each other company sometimes”.


Nice Car

Does this type of douchebaggery actually work in Norway? I feel like there are many men out there who think this way, but don’t actually say it out loud. I’ll give you credit for trying.


Pee Ad

Short, sweet and to the point. This ad is a little more risqué than the norm for the Norway CL, but at least you’re honest. I don’t know how “fun” this really is, but I’ll take your word for it.


And then there’s this guy…

I love cock

WOW! You, sir, have no shame! This is the most disgusting picture I’ve seen on CL and I’m having trouble understanding why you felt the need to take it to another level by adding that hand written sign. I guess I really just have one good question. Who the fuck is holding the camera?? I can only imagine the look on my buddy’s face if I said “Hey dude; Can you take a pic of my asshole for me? Wait, wait, wait… Let’s add a sign and make it really artistic.”

 

***Good night my friends. Hope you have a great rest of the week.

Oh one more thing. Here’s my experimental dinner…

Dinner

Another Late Monday Review

Hello, my friends. Yes… It’s Tuesday night and I’m writing a Monday review. To be fair, last night was the BCS National Championship and I opted to have a good time with friends rather than publish a post, so this is what you get. Another late Monday review. You love it!

Once again, I looked for texts or emails from someone asking why I missed a scheduled post, and all I got was crickets. And this…

Speed of SpermThe more you know.

You couldn’t tell by the short number of blog posts that I published this week, but I actually did write quite a bit this weekend. I’m just not sure yet if you’ll see any of it. I haven’t decided. Here’s what you did see.

  • Adult Winnie the Pooh Costume – This costume is terribly creepy and weird, but dammit I want one. I can already imagine all the brilliant fun I could have! Someone please buy this for me.
  • SHOVE IT RIGHT UP YOUR LIBERAL ASS – I totally understand how this guy feels (my ads get flagged all the time), but this guy takes it to another level! Are you seriously blaming Obama for this?
  • Nice, Firm Body – You didn’t know about this one, did you? I snuck it in right before I started typing this post. It’s another His / Her missed connections short story. You really don’t have to read it.

All right, you liberal bastards; don’t forget about the damn FB fan page. I’d like to encourage you to like it, but I already know… You’re embarrassed and a little ashamed. I’m ashamed to run it! Keep checking it for crazy, useless crap.

Here’s something you might find amusing. I laughed when I saw this. WordPress is pretty good about telling me how you guys get to my page. Some click on a link through FB, a few from my quickly flagged advertisement ads on CL, and one or two through search engines, like this one…

my neighbor pussy

“my neighbor pussy”? Someone, somewhere, did a search for “my neighbor pussy” and ended up on this blog. Wow! Is it sad that I’m almost flattered?

 

OK, enough about me… Do you want to see a couple of random crazy ads? Sure you do! Let’s see what I can pull out of my desktop junk folder.


Rape Fantasy

I hate to be the one to tell you this, buddy, but you’ve been reading way too much porn lately and it’s time for you to join us back here in reality where women don’t actually answer ads on CL volunteering to have a random stranger bust into her house and rape her. Who the fuck told you this ad would work?



Rest Area

This had to be a comical display. Oh, to be a fly on the wall at the Walker rest area that lovely afternoon. I guess the scene from “There’s Something about Mary” was true; Highway rest areas really are bath houses for for many, many, many, many gay men.


Jeff Gordon Coffin

Coffin Pic

The fuck! How is this a “fabulous man cave item”? I suppose if you’re a big time Jeff Gordon fan, I can almost see it, but would you really nap in this damn thing?


On the DL

I’m not gonna lie. This ad actually makes the idea of man on man sausage play sound pretty bad ass. Only in Detroit could this happen.

***In case you didn’t know (because I’m all about sharing useless info with you tonight), this CL ad represents the true meaning of the phrase “down low”.

Down Low

 

Have a good night, my friends. Talk to you soon!

Full Monte

Monday Review – NYE

Good evening, my friends, and HAPPY NEW YEAR! I assume a lot of you are preparing for hot night out on the town right about now. I’m sure it’s going to be EPIC for some of you! Me? Well I’m going to sit here at this dining room table eating Cocoa Pebbles and prepare another brilliant post for you, because that’s what I do. I’ve come to enjoy these Monday night posts, and I hope you do to.

Because I love you, I have a treat for you this evening. Since WordPress tells me I’m getting a hint of exposure in Canada, I thought I’d spend some time there and see what kind of freaks are posting ads in the personals section. I can only assume that if they like this blog, there must be something wild going on up there. Guess what? I was so right! More on that later.

First let’s talk about what happened this week because you care.

  • Masculine Hunk of a Man – I utilized a different style of writing and put together a post that tells the story of an encounter between a man and a woman from two very different angles. I’m working on more of these to be published in the near future.
  • Spreading your wings – This guy tried to be creative by comparing his potential mate to a bird, but he failed miserably. I didn’t feel I needed to elaborate any more than I did. Apparently you like the shorter posts so I’ll work on publishing more for you.
  • Don’t know much about it – This ad seems terribly suspicious. How are you going to attempt to sell something technical like a computer and not provide ANY information on it at all? I wrote this up in my “101 questions” style, but on a much smaller scale. I think it turned out well.

As always, make sure to visit the FB fan page for funny pics, blog updates, and other useless crap. You never know what you might find.

A special thanks to my crazy, pussy pops eating neighbor on the second floor for his assistance with the new banner you see above. This was a result of a late night experiment with a cardboard box and a dirty parking lot. What do you think?

If you’ll turn your attention to the right, you’ll notice a text box in the menu area that says “Follow”. That means you. Click to subscribe to this ridiculous blog and receive emails the second a new blog is posted. Do it.

Should we talk about Canada now? You’re not going to believe the ads I found…


Nude Guy Ad

I don’t speak French, but my buddy, Dr. Google, does. It really doesn’t matter what this ad is asking for because my answer is “NO”, but let’s hear it anyway:

Are you single and nudist tonight?

Male, 55 years, smoking, nudist 24/7, looking for other nudist friends and have a good time.

Discrimination, man or woman, regardless of your looks or your age.

If you want to spend a few hours in the pleasure of nudity and listen to the Bye-Bye with me, I welcome you with a bottle.

OK so maybe Dr Google isn’t what you would consider “fluent” in the language, but you get the general Idea. Anybody interested in hanging out with this guy while listening to Bye-Bye?


Kennel

Is this guy serious? I can’t figure out if his use of the word “dog” is meant literally or figuratively. Does he really have the desire to live in a kennel next to an actual German Sheppard? He’s a grown ass man! WTF! I have a pretty wild imagination, but this?? This takes the cake.


Diapers

Seriously, where do you guys come up with this shit?? “Doing my schoolwork while wearing a soggy Pull-up”? I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I know what it’s like to sit in a dirty diaper for a long period of time, but I gotta think that feels disgusting! Wouldn’t that get all itchy and uncomfortable? I would definitely want to be changed right away!


Dating Your Wife

The fuck? NO! Someone please explain to me like a four year old who would actually agree to something like this? What man in his right mind is going to voluntarily allow another man to come into his house and make him sleep on the floor? Please tell me this isn’t normal behavior in Canada.


Ellectro Shock

I asked Dr Google to translate this ad for me as well and his response was “I’m not touching that one you sick fuck.” I don’t think you can fully appreciate this photo until you see it enlarged. Let me do that for you…

Electro

You’re welcome.

This looks eerily similar to the time I underwent a sleep study from a guy who claimed to be a Dr. I’m starting to wonder about that experience now, and I feel violated.  This explains a lot.

Talk to you soon, my loyal followers. Happy New Year!

antidepressants

(Late) Monday Review

Merry Christmas, my friends! I’m sitting here at my dining room table pecking out this blog post on my POS laptop that suddenly has a mind of its own. In the middle of the Christmas season when all my extra money is spent on gifts, the little bastard thought it would be funny if suddenly the battery didn’t work. As long as its plugged in all the time it works great except the fucker also likes to spit out the power cord if I have it on my lap and move it a certain way. I’ll be in the middle of typing up an unsaved word document and then… BAMB! Total black screen. I don’t think you fully appreciate how completely annoying that is. I mean it’s one thing if I’m just laying around looking at porn doing research for my next post for you guys, but it’s quite different if I’m actually doing something productive and can’t afford for this fucking computer to suddenly turn itself off completely. So now it’s permanently sitting on my dining room table and that seems to do the job for the moment. Why am I telling you all this? I guess because I’m bored and I figured I’d let you in on what’s going on in my little world at the present time.

OK I’m done.

Because yesterday was Christmas Eve, I did not post a Monday review and I know you were all terribly disappointed. I was just going through my texts and emails looking for anything that would show some sort of evidence that someone noticed I missed a scheduled blog post, but seriously, this is all I got…

Christmas Present Text

I really love you guys!

It’s been a great week for me and I found myself surrounded by lots of family and friends and it felt great. I can’t believe I actually found some time to give you attention, but I did. In case you missed it, here’s what happened:

  • Jonathan – I posted my own CL ad to see what would happen if I asked for money like I see so many others doing. I got an interesting proposition. I’m still waiting for his response to my reply.
  • Paperclips & Honey – By answering a “normal” ad with a somewhat “normal” response, I met a chick who could probably write a guest post here and fit right in. Meet Ms. Mackenzie, your new best friend.
  • Stacey’s Pussy Pops – I came across a lovely 22 yr old who sells used panties with an added twist. We had a wonderful conversation! Also… She did reply to my long winded email which is something I hadn’t come across before. Click here to see the update.

As always, make sure you visit the FB fan page for funny pics and random crap that falls out of my head. You never know what you might find.

My last Monday review was fun. I showed you five of the top CL ads I found that were truly out of this world. Of course, you know I have a whole lot more of this same crap. Are you interested in seeing more? No? Well tough titties. You’re getting them anyway. You can probably go ahead and stop reading now.

5) Contract Marriage

Contract Marriage

How exactly is this helping each other out? YOU get your wish to get out of Alaska and I get…? Just a friend? Yea that sounds like an awesome deal!

4) Need some a$$istance

Looking to give a BJ

Sounds like a Win-Win in my book! Why can’t more women have this attitude?

3) Wife won’t use it

Fantasy Swing

Did you stop to think about maybe having this conversation BEFORE you bought the damn swing? You’re a pretty shitty husband if you honestly didn’t know whether or not your wife would dig something this extreme. I sincerely hope you didn’t try to give this to her as an anniversary gift.

Traditional anniversary gifts

Anniversary Gift

2) Love Men in Women’s Clothing

Love Men in Womens Clothing

There’s nothing in this ad that indicates if this person is male or female. “We don’t have to have much in common”? Really?

1) It’s Official

It's Official

Well damn, you captivating cock lover! Tell us what you really want. I don’t think I wanna know what dude is on the other end of this ad sharing the same enthusiasm with you that “It’s Official!!”. What is, by the way? The fact that you’re leaving work at 1pm, or that you’re down for “Foreplay n edging”? I don’t even know WTF edging is, but it sounds disgusting!

Edging

Oh. I refrain from my previous statement. I see where you’re coming from with this.

Until next time! Have a great short work week. Happy New Year!

Monday Review

Happy Monday, my friends. I hope you all had a great week and an even better weekend. I can tell you my couch and I were great friends the majority of the weekend and I hope to continue that togetherness we like to share as soon as I’m done writing more of the same crap you really don’t care to read. I’ve got Chinese on the way over and I’m just overjoyed with excitement. The only thing that could make this night better is to throw a load of laundry in the wash and have a late night folding party! Anyone care to join me?

I suppose it’s been kind of a slow week in terms of actual blog posts published, but the fan page is stocked full of little fun facts, so at least you’re not totally neglected. As I’m sure you probably noticed (because you check the blog and fan page over and over several times throughout the day looking for updates because your THAT addicted to this shit), a new banner sits across the top of the page. It’s an idea I’ve been kicking around with a couple of my biggest supporters for a few days, so I went forward with it this weekend. Hope you guys like it. Not that it matters.

Here’s what was published this week in case you missed it…

  • Perfect Nice Work Van – It’s no secret I’ve always wanted a van just like this. Always. But if you drive a stereotypical sexual predator vehicle as shown for sale in this ad, you have to deal with people judging you and your character. These are the thoughts that run through your head when you see a van similar to this on the street, but you don’t say it out loud. I said it for you. You’re welcome.
  • Hard Working man – I’m not even sure what I was thinking when I wrote this. I just happened to come across the ad one night and I couldn’t stop writing. Is this woman seriously putting herself out there with this request on Craigslist?? Honestly, this ad was probably fake.

Since I didn’t write a great deal this week (compared to the previous when I posted damn near every night), I’m going to publish the top 5 ads I’ve seen since I started doing this. Some are so off the wall that I’m seriously speechless (if you can believe that).  The ads pretty much speak for themselves, so there’s not much more I can say to elaborate on them.

I’ll make a deal with you, my loyal followers… I’ll let you vote on which one you really want to hear me answer. Write a comment saying which one and why, and I’ll comply. For you. Because I love you.

OK, my friends, are you ready? Here we go…

 

5) Brother Sister shower

Brother Sister Shower

If this ad was found in an Alabama Craigslist ad, I wouldn’t really be surprised. Since it’s from my home town, I’m quite embarrassed!

 

4) Will do anything

Used PantyhoseYou sound totally legit! Why wouldn’t any woman in her right mind take you up on this offer? If I see anymore ads with pantyhose for sale, I’ll let you know.

 

3) Painted toe’s recommended

Rate Your FeetYou, sir, are a genius! There are probably thousands of women sitting at home right now thinking to themselves, “I wonder how my feet rate on a scale of 1 to 10. Could I find a legitimate gentleman on CL to honestly tell me?” Good luck buddy! Your best bet is to get a job in the shoe section at Macy’s.

 

2) lots of s e x

Free Sex for FemalesIf it’s that easy to get laid in Melbourne, I’m packing my shit and moving tomorrow! Imagine this guy’s success rate if he included fat chicks in his free service.

 

1) Treated like a princess

Amputee Seeks SlaveUmm. You’ll have to help me with a caption for this one because, seriously… I’m speechless.

 

BONUS!

This one isn’t really worthy of a response, but I gotta give him credit for thinking of this. Bravo, sir, bravo.

New Husband Wanted

 

And thank you, my friends, for reading! Thanks for all the kind words. I really do appreciate the private emails I’m getting. See ya soon. Good night!

Monday Review

To my faithful followers (all eleven of you),

Happy Monday! It’s been a great week writing posts for you sick minded individuals. I sincerely hope you’ve enjoyed reading them as much as I have writing them. I have more great ideas running through my senseless head, so expect much more great material coming your way.

I’m excited about where this blog is going and have begun making changes to improve the look of the site. A special thanks to my good friend over at slightly off Kilter for designing the new logo and for creating the brand new Buttershoot Blogger Facebook fan page. I’m eternally grateful for her wisdom and knowledge in the world of social media!

If you haven’t looked at the fan page yet, PLEASE do so. Leave me a message even if it’s just to say hi, and for fuck’s sake, like the damn page!

If you’re brand new to the site, take a look back and prepare to be entertained. Here’s some of the stuff you missed:

  • Panties for Sale – This guy is seriously trying to sell a big bag of his wife’s panties, but we’re not sure if they really do belong to his wife or how big of a bag we are talking about. I give him the third degree and try to make heads or tails of this fishy ad.
  •  ON-GOING Physical Relationship – This bold ass woman has the balls to demand what type of man is worthy of getting her attention… On Craigslist of all places! Good luck, sweetie!
  • TMI Journal Entry #8 – I may have taken this story too far, but it’s what you guys like, so I’m putting it out there. Expect more of the same content, but this little segment may be moving over to the FB fan page.

As mentioned more than once (because I can’t talk about it enough), the new FB fan page is up. Visit to see random irrational thoughts that run through my head on a daily basis. Also… There are many CL ads I see that I’d love to write about, but I don’t have enough material to make up a full blog post. That stuff is currently sitting in a folder on my laptop and really needs to see the light of day. You will now see those brief posts on the fan page.

Once again, thanks again for reading. I can’t stress it enough; let me know who you are and what you enjoy most about the blog.

Talk to you soon!

Masturbating Someecard