This is possibly the best ad I’ve ever seen on this magnificent website. I see what you did there. That’s very nice of you to jump through hoops to make your wife & daughter happy and we all respect your self-sacrifice, but come on, bro. Let’s be real here. Are you seriously going to sit there with your cute kitty collection and tell me you have no hidden agenda? The last time I checked, I thought I heard something about a few good NFL games going on both Saturday and Sunday. What a perfect weekend to have the house to yourself.
Personally, I would have just come right out and told the truth about exactly what I want. If it was me in your situation and I was frantically looking to get the family out of the house for divisional playoff weekend, here’s what I would say…
Married white man living in a house full of women desperately seeking peace and quiet. If I hear one more thing about Justin friggin Bieber, I shit you not I will hang myself from the ceiling fan in the living room with that hideous tie my mother-in-law got me for Christmas this year. My wife, daughter, and friend are planning a girl’s trip to San Antonio this weekend if I can find them tickets to Saturday’s show. Please hook me up with three tickets, so I can, for once, enjoy the stillness of an empty house at least for one night. Please! I’m begging you!! For the love of all that is good and holy, you gotta help me out!
Please call or text! I’m bat shit crazy and offering $300 total for 3 tickets that start at $275 EACH for the nosebleeds, but I hope you’ll find pity on me.
Fuck my life.
Maybe I’d leave out the last line, but you get the general idea.
Good luck to you, sir. If you do happen to secure tickets, and you end up getting this weekend to yourself, send me pics of all the wild shit you get into! I bet you’re gonna go absolutely nuts!
***I asked Dr. Google how much tickets really cost for Saturday’s show so I could see if this guy was in the ballpark with his measly $300. I couldn’t believe what I saw. $12,725 for a suite?? To watch Justin Bieber?? Does that come with an eight ball and a plethora of hooker to choose from?!?! I can’t think of a single reason why anyone in their right mind would even consider this an option.
I suppose $874 a ticket is more reasonable for the “charter level”.