Stacey’s Pussy Pops

Me: Hey there! Your ad intrigues me. Do you actually make pretty good money selling used panties on CL? I see a lot of ads like this and I’m curious if this actually works. Also, how can I convince my girlfriend to get involved in the used panty business?

Stacey: Shut the fuck up

Me: Does that mean you won’t sell me any panties?

Stacey: Doesn’t sound like you want them

Me: Really I just wanted to get your attention because I’d like to chat with you. I’m thinking we could be email friends. What do you think, Stacey? You think we could have late night chats and talk about all sorts of fun stuff like strange fetishes people have? For example… Did you know there are guys out there that like to be kicked in the balls? That’s just odd to me! You ever kicked a guy in the balls while wearing high heel shoes and a schoolgirl uniform?

Stacey: Fuck off dick head and don’t waste my time.

Me: Why are you being so mean to me Stacey? I thought we had a connection? Are you having a bad day?

Stacey: People like you make me sick

Me: Me? What did I do? You’re the one selling panties and offering to cum in them for me. I’m just trying to make a new friend.

Stacey: If your not interested in underwear then fuck off.

If you are sendme the money to my PayPal account $50

Lilfunstacey@gmail.com

***OK so after I wrote the following long ass response and hit send, I went back and re-read the original posted ad. I realized that when she says “pussy pops”, she means a hard, candy lollipop which would actually not be an issue shipping it. I was thinking more along the lines of a Popsicle. That’s probably why she didn’t respond after this. That’s got to be it!***

Me: That’s a lot of money, Stacey! I have to assume you’re going to make it totally worth it for me to pay that kind of coinage, so let’s talk about this. Can I ask you a few simple questions?

1) How many pair do I get for my $50? For that kind of cash, I think you should throw in a couple of extra pussy pops for me and my neighbor to try because he’s a pretty crazy dude and I think he would really like them. He’s a fan of grape. I like cherry.

2) Speaking of the pussy pops, how do you keep them frozen? Even if you did mail them overnight express, wouldn’t they melt by the time they got here? I would think you would have to package them in some sort of a styrofoam cooler and include several packs of those ice bags to keep everything fresh, because the last thing I want (as a loyal customer) is to end up with a baggy full of cherry flavored Kool-Aid that contains a faint scent of feedlot. If you do take that much care into your packaging, I commend you on your sophisticated operation and I think you should travel around Australia giving seminars on how to run a successful cum-filled used panty business and include a full PowerPoint presentation on the frozen pussy pops division alone.

3) Are you a squirter? I’m really trying to figure out how one could differentiate a pair of panties you actually came in vs one that you simply played with yourself in. I realize I may seem a little picky about this, but it makes a difference. I’d like to see some evidence if you say you’re going to prepare my panties in a specific fashion. That’s just good business, Stacey.

4) What exactly do you mean by “pantie stuffing”? Nevermind… I’ll just look it up on Urban Dictionary.

OK I get it now. I am very impressed with that added service! That’s something you don’t ever see in these types of ads! No wonder you charge so much for your panties. Bravo, Lil fun Stacey, Bravo!

5) I live in the States and I’m a little concerned about the whole export process we’re going to have to deal with to move the stuffed panties through customs. I’m sure there are specific codes to use for “women’s undergarments”, but it may be a little different if we are talking about “stuffed” undergarments. These guys at customs are such dicks, they may start getting into specifics, like “are they anally stuffed or vaginally stuffed?” I’m not sure that’s a conversation you’d be comfortable having while in line at the UPS store. I’ll get with my guy who actually works for UPS and see if he can give us some advice. The pussy pops may give us some trouble, though. Unless either of our Governments are hip to this particular level of fetish, I’m not sure how much of a hassle they’re going to give us. My concern is that some old guy sitting behind a desk is going to stick his big nose in our business and open my fresh package to inspect the pussy pops and if he decides they can’t go, then he’ll probably just eat them himself and then my neighbor is going to be terribly disappointed. Plus, I’ll lose my $50 and that’s a lot to give up this close to Christmas, don’t you think?

6) Based on your mood this evening (or afternoon… Not sure what time it is over there), it appears that you may be on your jellyfish sandwich at the moment. This brings up a whole new list of inquiries. If it’s true that you are menstruating, how does it affect my ship date for the stuffed panties? Should I wait until you’ve completed your cycle, or will you just stuff them anyways? Have you ever had a client specifically request this type of stuffed panty? I have this image of you stuffing a pair of white cotton granny panties in your fish mitten and having it come out looking like a red and white tie dyed shirt. Is that what would happen? I’d actually like to see that and I know damn well my neighbor would like to see it too!

Let me put some more thought into this and also talk to my UPS guy about the customs issue and we’ll move forward with my order. I’ll ask my neighbor if he’s down to try the pussy pops as well. He just won his fantasy football league this afternoon so he may be able to chip in. I’ll get back with you tomorrow with a final answer.

Talk to you soon, Stacey.

Oh… Is there any chance you could try the tie dye idea and take a pic for me? I think we just came up with a whole new market that no one has ever done before and I’m pretty excited about that!

 

***UPDATE!! Stacey actually wrote me back after all that!

Stacey: Lucky you don’t live in Australia or you would of been fucked up

Me: Why is that?

Stacey: You are a walker

Me: Oh come on. You have to admit that was a little bit funny, no?

Also, I don’t know what a “walker” is.

Stacey: I mean wanker

Me:*This morning* Merry Christmas, Stacey!

No response. I don’t feel like she’s in the right holiday spirit.