Jonathan

I spend a lot of time on Craigslist. I couldn’t tell you how many hours I’ve spend combing through ads in every city from here to Hungary looking for something unique. It’s what I do. It’s a whole lot of fun, but it’s not the only way to play this game. Occasionally, I like to change up the rules to make things more interesting for the both of us. I like to place my own freakishly, out of the ordinary ads and see what kind of equally insane individuals I can pull out of the ocean. As you’re soon about to see, there’s more than one way to find my next target

In my search for more content to add to this blog, I noticed a trend that started about a week ago in the women for men (w4m) personals section. A number of ads started popping up asking for money to help with the holidays or tuition or whatever. With the exception a few offering to pay interest and make payments, most of these women aren’t offering anything in return. Just give them money. Maybe they’ll spend some time with you, but they will not do anything inappropriate.

I wondered what kind of response these women were getting and if it actually worked. If so, I want to get in on this deal.

So I tried it…

My Ad

Almost immediately, I got a response from “Jonathan”, who is willing to help.

Jonathan:

Stats? Pics? And rates? I am north and maybe able to help out.

You cannot send me an email like that and just expect that I’m gonna let it go! I think you know me better than that.

Me:

What did you have in mind there, Jonathan? I posted this in the m4w section so I’m not really sure what you’re doing lurking these ads if you’re a man (and I assume you are since your name is Jonathan unless you have an unusual set of parents who thought it would be funny to make you go through a life of hell for their part in this cruel punishment). If that’s true and you are a woman, then I will def send you stats, pics, and rates.

I’m gonna be honest and say that I’m not sure I could stomach doing anything sexual with another man unless it was me, you, and a group of whores who have an interest in partying with two dudes who met in the cl personals section who happen to have a mutual interest in prostitution. That actually sounds like a lot of fun. You think we could pull that off, Jonathan? Let’s find us 5 or 6 girls and have them meet us downtown at the Driskill and have a wild orgy to celebrate my birthday. We could set up a table with random household items to play with like a cucumber peeler and maybe a wine bottle opener or two. We’ll import live entertainment from Mexico and set up a stage and perform some sort of adult magic show that may or may not include a farm animal and a life sized Michelin man with plastic sporks for hands. We’ll try the old pulling a dove out of hat trick, except it won’t be a hat we’re pulling it out of, know what I’m saying? This is gonna be the shit right here, Jonathan! If the world’s gonna end tonight, lets go out with a bang! *Pun intended!

Go ahead and make reservations for a suite if there’s still one available. I would do it, but I’m technically not allowed back in that hotel for reasons I’d rather not mention over email. Oh fair warning… Do NOT ask for a happy ending if you use the masseuse service at this place. Don’t ask the maids either, you simple son of a bitch! If I know you like I think I do, Jonathan, you’re a wild dude to hang out with!

Write me back with the room number and let me know if you need help finding the hookers. Worst case scenario we’ll cruise by the homeless shelter and see what we can find there. It’s usually assholes and elbows over there this time of year.

Talk to you soon buddy! I’ll be in touch.

Jonathan: …

If he actually does write me back, I will certainly update this post. Somehow I doubt that’s going to happen. I think I’ve heard the last of Jonathan.

Free sex

2 thoughts on “Jonathan

  1. Pingback: (Late) Monday Review | The Buttershoot Blogger

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