Panties for Sale

Panty Ad


You, sir, need to be more specific about what exactly you’re selling if you’re going to ask for something significant like a hundred bucks. Your use of the phrase “big bag” could mean practically anything. Grocery store bag, tall kitchen trash bag, paper bag, bag you would store a queen sized mattress in, what are we talking here? If I’m gonna shell out that kind of cash, I need to know more specific details before I even think about meeting you in a dark Wal-Mart parking lot up north. I have so many questions I don’t even know where to begin!

  1. How big of a woman is you’re wife? Is she a stout little heifer? Would someone refer to her as a linebacker, or is she somewhat of a smaller woman?
  2. What condition are the said panties in? Are they torn up a bit and considered aged, or are they mostly in “like new” condition? Are there any noticeable stains in the general crotch area? 
  3. I’m a decent sized guy. I’m roughly 220 (give or take a pound or two) and yea I’ve got a gut. Would a man my size be comfortable wearing said panties during an eight hour shift at Papa John’s?
  4. How active is your wife in general. Does she work out or ride bikes in the panties, or is she more of a couch potato? Does she sweat a lot?
  5. Does your wife regularly suffer from puppy fart syndrome?
  6. Are said panties worth any real money individually? Could I start a small business posing as a TGI Friday’s waitress and sell them on Craigslist to recover my original $100 investment and then make a hefty profit?
  7. Would I really want to follow through with that plan or will I want to keep them for myself?
  8. Do me a favor… Stick your head inside the bag of panties and inhale deeply. Do you pick up a strong scent of fresh fish? Can you almost taste it?
  9. I read an article a while back about a man who was spending his Saturday afternoons posing as a potential home buyer and visiting open houses in the area. He was caught, and subsequently arrested, for going through drawers and stealing panties from the owners of the individual homes. Are you this man?
  10. Would you mind trying on a couple of different pair and having your wife take some pictures so I can get an idea if they will work for me?

I realize these are probably more questions than you anticipated getting when you originally posted this ad, but I need to know what I’m getting into before I make this deal of the century with you. The last time I came across a buy like this, I got the bag home and found that a lot the panties were ripped in half. Apparently this guy was some sort of freak that enjoyed watching the trash disposal employees come into his house on Monday mornings and rip the panties off his wife and then he passed them off as being in “good” condition when he sold them to me. I’m not getting scammed like that again, sir. I don’t know; I’m not really sure about this transaction. It sounds like a really good deal and I may change my mind, but I do have my concerns. I mean this is CL and you are a perfect stranger. What if you’re really some sort of sexual predator and you and your drunk, obnoxious friend jump me and rape me and take my cash and leave me there bleeding on the pavement?  How the fuck am I going to explain that one to the police? How’s that going to look on the morning news?

What if I try them on and realize they are too tight and I can’t wear them? What if I end up getting the clap?

Let me sleep on this and I’ll let you know something tomorrow afternoon if you still have them. You must have received a good half dozen emails by now so I’ll understand if I’m too late. I just don’t wanna pull the trigger just yet. I’ll be in touch.


*I know what you’re thinking, my friends. You don’t even have to ask it. “What exactly is ‘puppy fart syndrome’?” Good question.

 PuppyFart Syndrome

Your homework assignment is to use this phrase in a normal, casual conversation at work with either your boss or a client. Report back to me how you accomplished this. Good luck.

4 thoughts on “Panties for Sale

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