Hello, my new friend! I’m writing to inquire about this opportunity to live with you and possibly have a kid together. I’m sure you’ve had a ton of requests for this opportunity so I hope I’m not too late. I just have a few questions if that’s OK…
1) Will we be lovers as well as roommates just splitting the bills in half, or is this strictly platonic?
2) Where will I sleep? Do I bring my own bed or can I sleep with you?
3) I have a friend who gets really drunk and obnoxious and sometimes he tears shit up unintentionally. Is it ok if he stays with us sometimes?
4) How soon will we be having the baby and how will we deal with costs of food, clothes, diapers, etc? Will that just be another bill we are splitting?
5) Are you a man hater and have you ever been featured on the hit series “Snapped”? I’d prefer if you didn’t get crazy and cut off my Johnson because I’m quite attached to him.
6) Why do I specifically need to be 38? What if I’m 35 or 42? Does it really matter as long as I can pay half the bills and be able to provide the necessary baby making ingredients?
7) I’d like to go ahead and get started on making that baby. Can we get that going this afternoon? I can move in my stuff later.
8) I’m a chronic masturbator. I rub one out several times a day so I hope that’s not an issue. I’ll try to be respectful and not do it at the dinner table, but I can’t promise I won’t let loose while we’re watching back episodes of Big Bang Theory.
9) I have pet ferrets and sometimes they get lonely. Are you ok with them sleeping in the bed with us?
I guess that’s all I can think of at the moment. I’m sure we’ll talk more about it later when we figure out the sleeping arrangements. I hope you have a corner for my cat cage. I don’t have a lot of cats… Anymore. Not since a certain incident involving my same drunk friend, a life sized Lisa Doll, and a broken toaster oven while acting out a scene from the famous Nora the Naughty Neighbor in my kitchen.
Wow. I just got chills.
Anyway… I’ll talk to you soon.
PS. What type of pic do you want? Are you wanting a regular face pic or where you looking for cock and balls. It’s totally up to you. Let me know.